A Sword Called Rhonda
“Hey, Karma,” Rhonda the sword whined, “I need to go, like, shopping.”
She hung from the wall of my small home in what used to be suburban Palo Alto. Being far away didn’t help. I could hear her just as clearly as if I’d held her in my hand with her voice coming out the end of the hilt. I’d tried hanging her from my waist at first, but she just yelled loud enough for everyone to hear. Now, I carry her over my shoulder so she talks in my ear.
I hadn’t responded, so she yelled. “Are you listening?”
“Yeah, yeah, I hear you,” I replied.
Two weeks ago, I bought the sword at the city’s disincorporation sale. It was a fine sword, made of good strong steel that could take a beating. At the time, it seemed like a good deal.
For days afterward, my dreams ended in, “Help me, Rhonda!”
One morning, I started singing the old Beach Boys tune.
“I thought no one would ever listen to me!” Rhonda said. She hasn’t left me alone since.
Deirdre’s story A Sword Called Rhonda can be found in:
A Sword Called Rhonda (Standalone Short Story)
Cover Art by Manu De Mey
Available in a standalone, DRM-free e-book from the following sources:
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Leading Science Fiction Writers Present Their Funniest Stories Ever
Edited by Mike Resnick
Includes stories by: Kevin J. Anderson, Greg Bear, Gregory Benford, John Gregory Betancourt, Michael Bishop, Terry Bisson, Tobias S. Buckell, Pat Cadigan, Jack Dann, Barbara Delaplace, David Drake, Linda J. Dunn, Eric Flint, Michael F. Flynn, Alan Dean Foster, Ron Goulart, Sarah A. Hoyt, Janis Ian, Kay Kenyon, Mercedes Lackey, Anthony R. Lewis Louise Marley, D. S. Moen, Larry Niven, Joe Pumilia and Bill Wallace, Mike Resnick, Chris Roberson, Frank M. Robinson, Dean Wesley Smith, Gene Wolfe and Brian Hopkins.
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Edited by Esther M. Friesner
Includes stories by: Robin Wayne Bailey, Cassandra Claire, Yvonne Coats, Eric Flint, Esther M. Friesner, Laura Frankos, John G. Hemry, Jim C. Hines, J. Ardian Lee, Lee Martindale, Lesley McBain, D. S. Moen, Jody Lynn Nye, Steven Piziks, Selina Rosen, Catherine H. Shaeffer, Wen Spencer, Jan Stirling, Michael D. Turner, Harry Turtledove, Laura J. Underwood, and K. D. Wentworth.
Out of print editions: Hardback (published Nov, 2004) ISBN: 978-0743488571 Paperback (published Feb, 2006) ISBN: 978-1416520535